i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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