she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize