Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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