Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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