Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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