4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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