It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize