Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize