He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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