his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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