he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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