Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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