mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize