he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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