How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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