I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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