I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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