Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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