just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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