Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize