Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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