his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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