i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am one with the molecules
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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