my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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