i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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