I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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