bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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