you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize