Pregnant stripper...not hot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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