so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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