if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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