I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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