I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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