I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize