Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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