you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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