Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He kissed a someone with a penis
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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