it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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