Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize