Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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