We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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