I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Welp...herpes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize