I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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