dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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