hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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