We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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