My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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