i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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