Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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