im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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